CSPAC, floor 3

Directions: Walk in the front entrance of the Clarice Smith Performing Arts Center. Walk up the huge main staircase — you will see “Applause,” the little cafe thing, on your left. On your right will be the Cafritz Foundation Theatre. To the right of the Cafritz, there is a set of stairs going to a balcony.

Walk up these stairs and the entire length of the balcony — on your left you will see an elevator. Immediately before the elevator, there is an unmarked door  — walk through that door and follow the long hallway. After you turn the corner, you will see two large bulletin boards; immediately past the bulletin boards is the men’s room.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: A-

It’s not a bathroom designed to impress rich donors like the ones in the lobby, but it’s still nice, and it’s still really clean.

Odor: A

Doesn’t smell like a clean bathroom; it’s a very neutral bouquet — you could close your eyes and be anywhere.

Solitude: A-

There are a lot of rehearsal rooms around, all of which are in very high demand. But there really doesn’t seem to be much bathroom traffic.

Lighting: A+

Just perfect. Bright lights at the mirror and over the stalls, slightly dimmer lights everywhere else — it’s wonderful.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, manual flush

Urinals: 3, manual flush

Sinks: 2, manual faucets

Notes: A bathroom that’s accessible, but farther off the beaten path. A lot of people study in CSPAC both day and night, but most either use the bathroom on the floor below or don’t really use one. A great bathroom to use, especially at night when you don’t want to deal with the masses.

—Rich

CSPAC, floor 1

Directions: Walk in the front entrance so you see the Kogod and Kay theaters. Turn left. There is a sign on the ceiling that will tell you the rest. (It’s like 10 feet away)

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: B-

A definite disappointment. The smart set-up and shiny new equipment is cool, but there is water and paper and glitter and other debris on the floor. Apparently the theater department doesn’t teach any manners.

Odor: A

It smells fine. Like art.

Solitude: D+

CSPAC is a busy place all of the time — classes in the day and operas and shit in the night — and this bathroom is located for convenience. It’s easy to find and nearby the main entrance and frequently used theaters. You won’t be alone.

Lighting: A+

Brilliant lights illuminate the shiny things to make them gleam. Great placement over all stalls and urinals, and you won’t be blinded upon entering.

Facilities

Stalls: 3, manual flush

Urinals: 6, manual flush

Sinks: 5, manual faucets

Notes: It’s a solid bathroom but there will always be people in and out. It’s just a noisy place in general. Think movie theater bathroom.

—Jake