Category Archives: The mall

Tydings Hall, floor 1

Directions: Go in the ground-floor entrance at the mall side of the building and go up the main stairs one flight. Apparently when they built this building during the Revolutionary War they didn’t understand that the “first” floor meant the “first one you get to when you walk in the damned door.” But go up the steps and turn left. Follow the hallway around one corner and it will be on your right.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: C-

It’s not gross, it’s just old. Which, if you’ve ever been to a nursing home, are two adjectives that are easily confused.

Odor: D+

Could have just been the suspicious-looking kid that was shuffling out, but a field of spring flowers this joint is not.

Solitude: F

Disastrously overcrowded.

Lighting: D+

It feels like the weird brown tile is sucking up all the light in here. You won’t get any reading done here.

Facilities

Stalls: 3, motion flush

Urinals: 2, motion flush

Sinks: 2, automatic faucets (useless.)

Note: It’s old. There’s nothing you can really do about that other than the old “build a new bathroom” approach, so you’ll have to deal with that. What you might not be able to deal with  are the SINKS. They’re horrible. A “drizzle” is being generous here. Completely unfunctioning. It’s also got those old-style urinals that are pretty much inviting all the weird unbalanced freshmen to check out your coin purse.

—Rich

Advertisements

Woods Hall, floor 1

Directions: Walk into the main door and turn right — you will see a short set of stairs on your left; go up them. It’s right there. Can’t miss it.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: C+

It’s old and run-down to the point that it affects how you feel about yourself. But it’s not dirty.

Odor: C+

It smells like a bathroom. Which is weird, because I don’t think anyone’s been in here in like, 30 years.

Solitude: A

Woods Hall is the BEST. It’s the academic home of two majors without ANY GUYS — Women’s Studies and Anthropology. Seriously. I walked all over this building and did not see a single male. A little less secluded than its basement cousin.

Lighting: A-

Very nice, very bright lighting expertly placed. A few points docked because it’s a strange, yellowish color.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 3, motion flush

Sinks: 2, manual faucets

Notes: A great bathroom in a building populated almost exclusively by women — and the stalls are wooden and look like they were stolen from some kind of goth-themed saloon.

—Rich

Woods Hall, basement level

Directions: Walk into the door on the left side of the building facing Marie Mount Hall. It’s the first door on your right.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: A-

It’s OLD and is aesthetically disastrous. But it’s clean.

Odor: A

Fresh and clean, dude. Fresh and clean.

Solitude: A+

Woods Hall is the BEST. It’s the academic home of two majors without ANY GUYS — Women’s Studies and Anthropology. Seriously. I walked all over this building and did not see a single male.

Lighting: A

Very bright lighting, helped by great big privacy windows.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 3, motion flush

Sinks: 2, manual faucets

Notes: A solid find — it’s on the Mall, easy to get to and completely unused. The lights weren’t even on when I arrived. A fabulous, if sort-of run-down, bathroom. Enjoy. Except for the urinals. They’re freaking weird.

—Rich

And the Academy Award for weirdest-shaped urinal goes to: these pieces of crap!

WHY IS THIS CHAIR IN THE BATHROOM

Francis Scott Key Hall, floor 1

Directions: Walk into the main door of Key, at the top of the big concrete steps. Turn left, then make your first right down the hallway. It will be on your right.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: D-

It’s not a “this is a dirty bathroom” problem, it’s a “this is a dirty room” thing. People aren’t pissing on the walls, but the place is just regular filthy. The floors are actually brown and olive drab, and I’m honestly not sure they were originally that color. The urinals have turned gray with age, and the stalls have awkward patches were the paint looks like it’s been worn off by frictional forces I will never understand.

Odor: B-

The place really tricked me on this one. It looks like a bathroom at a crappy public park, but if you were blind, you probably wouldn’t be too skeeved out.

Solitude: C

A good amount of stalls on a floor that’s mostly offices, but the ARHU office is a busy one. Plus it’s in the hallway that’s the main artery between Key and Taliaferro Halls, and apparently people have actually had classes in Taliferro. I don’t know who. But they pee in this thing a lot.

Lighting: B-

The bathroom might actually be improved by lighting that was a little less ambitious. If it’s too dark to read, I want it to be dark enough that I can’t see the horrifying fingernail gashes on the wall.

Facilities

Stalls: 4, motion flush

Urinals: 3, motion flush

Sinks: 3, motion faucets

Notes: The bulk of Francis Scott Key Hall was built in 1939 and 1940. I have a theory that this bathroom was actually built before that, and then they let it just sit on the mall for like a decade before eventually building classrooms around it. A very, very run-down operation indeed, especially in light of how polished the rest of the main floor is.

Also, I’m pretty sure I broke my computer’s Photobooth program when I tried to take a picture of the floor — some dude walked in and I slammed the computer shut to keep from looking like a weirdy. Pretty sure it didn’t work.

—Rich

Tydings Hall, ground floor

Directions: Enter through the front door, under the large concrete balcony, and take a left. On your left.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: C

The problem with Tydings is the toilets just don’t always flush. And the floors are ugly.

Odor: A-

Definitely a strong point here. My nose was baffled when I entered and it picked up a smell that could almost be described as fresh.

Solitude: D

This is the lone bathroom on a floor full of large discussion classrooms and a short walk away from the largest lecture hall on campus. People are going to be in here.

Lighting: A

Bright, but not obnoxious, the fluorescents in here nicely illuminate the whole room. Bring your own reading material or sit back and enjoy the douchey graffiti on the walls that would make ol’ Senator Millard proud.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 3, motion flush

Sinks: 2, automatic faucets

Note: Good luck getting out of the smaller stall. In another bonehead move by the Tydings bathroom designer, the door to that stall opens inside, creating an uncomfortably tight squeeze when trying to escape the already cramped toilet space.

—Jake

Tydings Hall, floor 3

Directions: Get yo’ self to the main staircase in Tydings and take it up to the third floor. Head left and then right at the end of the hall so you see the GVPT advising office. It is on your right.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: D

With a hideous pattern of random browns and beiges disgracing the floor and the walls, the old bathroom is either actually clean or just does a great job of letting dirt blend in. The problem here is the unreliable toilets. Towards the end of the day, it seems like these three struggle to force down those extra-large dumps.

Odor: B

Not cleaning product, not excrement; just there. With public bathrooms, one assumes any smell is a bad smell, but the lingering scent here is nothing to complain about.

Solitude: A-

The third floor of Tydings has more advising offices than classrooms, which are all small discussion sections anyway. You’re likely better off here than other bathrooms in the building, which all have fairly small cramped stalls anyway.

Lighting: B-

The dim yellow does it’s job well enough, and actually kinda complements the ugly color scheme. It sort of gives off a nostalgic old middle school bathroom vibe. But a good old bathroom. One with character.

Facilities

Stalls: 3, motion flush

Urinals: 2, motion flush

Sinks: 2, motion faucets

Notes: THANK GOODNESS the brilliant bathroom architect put a wall almost right in front of the door so those who walk in can’t peek at people washing their hands. Also of note: the bathrooms in Tydings have a little shelf you can hang your bags or place your notebooks or hide your drugs. When the toilets are flowing, this bathroom is a great place for a quiet shit. Unfortunately, the toilets aren’t always flowing.

—Jake

Armory, basement level

Directions: Walk into the Armory using the door on the side of the building facing the Lee Building; the door farthest away from the Administration Building. Turn down the first hallway on your right. It’s the only door on your right.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: A

It’s humongous but hardly ever used. Whatever filth would accumulate there is spread out over the collective area of what I believe to be the second-largest bathroom on campus.

Odor: A+

It actually smells like fresh air in here! Not piss, not cleaning supplies, not trying to smell like fresh air, it’s just… nice.

Solitude: A-

It’s actually pretty well-traveled, but there are eight stalls. Seriously. You’re not going to have to worry about somebody trying to play footsie with you.

Lighting: A-

It’s like daylight in there. Lighting isn’t positioned directly over the stalls, but it’s bright enough outside to make its way in.

Facilities

Stalls: 8, manual flush

Urinals: 9, motion flush

Sinks: 5, motion faucets

Notes: A great bathroom, despite it being sort of out of the way. Also, there’s a great water fountain outside the door and a newspaper stand just feet away.

—Rich