Category Archives: D

Tydings Hall, floor 1

Directions: Go in the ground-floor entrance at the mall side of the building and go up the main stairs one flight. Apparently when they built this building during the Revolutionary War they didn’t understand that the “first” floor meant the “first one you get to when you walk in the damned door.” But go up the steps and turn left. Follow the hallway around one corner and it will be on your right.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: C-

It’s not gross, it’s just old. Which, if you’ve ever been to a nursing home, are two adjectives that are easily confused.

Odor: D+

Could have just been the suspicious-looking kid that was shuffling out, but a field of spring flowers this joint is not.

Solitude: F

Disastrously overcrowded.

Lighting: D+

It feels like the weird brown tile is sucking up all the light in here. You won’t get any reading done here.

Facilities

Stalls: 3, motion flush

Urinals: 2, motion flush

Sinks: 2, automatic faucets (useless.)

Note: It’s old. There’s nothing you can really do about that other than the old “build a new bathroom” approach, so you’ll have to deal with that. What you might not be able to deal with  are the SINKS. They’re horrible. A “drizzle” is being generous here. Completely unfunctioning. It’s also got those old-style urinals that are pretty much inviting all the weird unbalanced freshmen to check out your coin purse.

—Rich

Geology Building, floor 1

Directions: Walk into the main door of the Geology Building and turn left down the hallway. Last door at the end.

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Cleanliness: D+

It’s old and run-down and not too appealing.

Odor: D+

It stinks like a bathroom. Not helped by it being really ugly.

Solitude: A-

Is there such a thing as a geology major? Nobody’s pooping in this building. I don’t even think there are people LEARNING in this building.

Lighting: C-

Acceptable, but not on purpose.

Facilities

Stalls: 1, manual flush

Urinals: 1, manual flush

Sinks: 2, manual faucets

Notes: A bathroom of pure function. There was no pride in this bathroom design; it’s a place to empty your bowels and nothing more.

—Rich

Regents Drive Parking Garage, floor 1

Directions: Walk in the garage’s Stadium Drive entrance; a door on the right side of the building facing the Computer and Space Sciences Building. Go down the stairs and through the door; turn left and walk into the computer lab that you see in front of you. It will be on the back wall.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: C-

Apparently people are in such a rush to get back to the computer cave that flushing is optional. Also… it’s just kind of grody. Like the bathrooms you see in zombie movies right after they figure out how to work the generators.

Odor: D+

It’s in a dark, dank and drippy basement of a parking lot. Guess how it smells. The answer is actually a little better than the stairs down there, but still. Not delicious.

Solitude: B

Points for rarity. The lab might be full, but it will be full of a hip, in-the-know crowd. You know… the kind of awesome dudes that are in a computer lab in the basement of a parking garage in the middle of the night wearing a baggy sweatshirt and a thousand-yard stare.

Lighting: A

Plenty of lights in a tiny, tiny space, and the best ones are right over the stalls.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, manual flush

Urinals: 2, manual flush

Sinks: 2, manual faucets

Notes: nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana BAT LAAAAB! It’s a totally rando bathroom in a totally rando computer lab. Not nearly nice enough or secluded enough to become a regular pooping locale, but a great trip to make… once.

—Jake and Rich

(Oh, and “Zemen Habtemariam” — you left your name tag on the wall. Don’t worry. We got it for you. Let us know where you want to pick it up.)

McKeldin Library, floor 1, bathroom 1

Directions: Walk into the front door of McKeldin Library and past the welcome desk and then past the elevators. Turn right down the hallway before the circulation desk. On your right.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: D+

It’s an old, oft-used bathroom. You’re gonna have to deal.

Odor: D

It’s a pee smell. A distinct pee smell.

Solitude: D-

If there are people in the library, there are people in this bathroom. You’re probably safe on a Friday afternoon, for example, but a Tuesday at 1 p.m. will get you nothing but a urinal traffic jam.

Lighting: D

You can see what you’re doing, but not much more with the old yellow lighting.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, manual flush

Urinals: 1, motion flush

Sinks: 2, manual faucets

Notes: It’s in the library. There are gobs of reading material everywhere, and the largest news stand on campus on the way into the building. The question is, are you willing to sit in this place long enough to read something? A passable restroom, but nowhere you’d want to relax.

—Rich Abdill

McKeldin Library, floor 1, bathroom 1

View from the sink. You know. In case you were wondering.