Lamorne Morris: The Man Who Sells You Everything

There are a lot of television commercials. We did the math. There are more than 120,000 members in the Screen Actors Guild competing for thousands of roles in thousands of commercials in hundreds of markets across America.

If you multiply that out, it works out to be about 400,000,000 opportunities to be in a commercial, and one guy — Lamorne Morris — has taken, after a careful audit by Bathroom Inventory researchers, every single one of them.

You know who he is — Morris is the dude that told his girlfriend “I love your teeth” in that Miller commercial:

BUT he’s also pushing impractical pickup lines for Chili’s:

And he’s one of the “smile and make a lot of goddamn noise” brothers for 7-Up:

And the Twix mascot, which is now just an adulterous guy who takes his girlfriend to crappy restaurants:

Wow, he’s been busy, right? But he’s not done. He’s also a flak for Vegas, McDonald’s, and, in a particularly creepy turn, Edge Active Care aftershave. HOW IS THIS GUY GETTING EVERY ROLE IN EVERY COMMERCIAL? He’s got a nice face? I have a nice face too, but I’m going to have to get a job sewing soccer balls in southeast Asia while old Lamorne Morris gets as many endorsement deals as Roger Federer, the world’s most popular used-to-be-a-champion. He’s even stealing minor background parts holding leaf blowers or whatever:

COME ON LAMORNE. Leave some for the rest of us. Also, somebody needs to come over here and unplug my television because I am watching too, too much.

—Rich

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2 responses to “Lamorne Morris: The Man Who Sells You Everything

  1. don’t forget Taco Bell

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