Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he’ll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words—
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester—
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb’red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
The day a few dudes searched out
And found the sweetest poop-rooms
In the Park of College.

RICH ABDILLEditor-in-chief

Dubbed “journalism’s white knight” by Scout.com’s Jeremy Schneider and a “star” by Terps Associate Athletic Director Doug Dull, Rich is a junior journalism major at the University of Maryland, College Park and was the first student to go number two in Knight Hall. He spends his spare time reading Kurt Vonnegut and telling people that he does pushups. He had a sports journalism career that lasted one blog post.

E-mail: richard.abdill AT gmail.com
Website: rabdill.com
Twitter: @rabdill
Facebook: Rev. Rich Abdill

Duke of Poops

Jake DeVirgiliis is a Freshman Government & Politics and English double major at the University of Maryland, College Park with a head of hair trapped in seemingly perpetual change. He enjoys comedy and vegetables. His writing once earned him Highland Park Hillcrest Elementary School’s prestigious Golden Pencil award for his timeless short story “The Alien Wacko.”

E-mail: j.dev99 AT yahoo.com
Twitter: @jakesaucey
Facebook: Jake DeVirgiliis

Bathroom Insider

A 2010 graduate of this esteemed university, this 22-year-old martial artist is always working the lines to find hot poop tips — “hot,” of course, referring to the tips. Not the poops. That would be weird.

E-mail: gindes AT umdbk.com
Website: Blazing with Phelps

Executive in Charge of Gruff Advice and Pithy Folk Mottos

We don’t really know that much about Henry… he won’t tell us anything. He wouldn’t let us take a picture of him either — we had to scan in his driver’s license photo. Also we suspect it’s not a real license, because it says he’s from “Marylnad” and his signature is just his name typed in Brush Script MT. He apparently got it from the same guy that made Rich’s fake ID. He’s just a pissy old man that figured out how to use the internet.


Advertising director, resident scapegoat

Be nice to him because we sure as hell aren’t.

E-mail: trey.ames AT comcast.net
Facebook: Trey Ames



6 responses to “About

  1. You should review the bathrooms in tydings. The girls’ rooms on both the first and second floors have wierd “lounge” areas preluding the bathroom. They have couches and large mirrors. It’s bizarre.

  2. You should get a female reporter: different needs, different bathrooms.

    • There was much debate about this. In the end, we at UMDBI decided there just isn’t enough time to care about women’s “different needs” and alleged “different bathrooms.” Sorry, Anonymous. Spread your urban legends elsewhere.

  3. There’s a great one in Francis Scott Key, you go in through the door under the front stairs and its immediately on your left. I can’t remember which but one of the stalls has an incredible amount of reading material built in. Pictures and everything, its actually pretty amazing.

    • I was actually in there on Monday — I had to put out a no-poop advisory because somebody left an unholy mess in there that would never, ever fit into a pipe.
      I didn’t see any pictures though.. didn’t stick around long enough to use a stall.

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