Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he’ll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words—
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester—
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb’red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
The day a few dudes searched out
And found the sweetest poop-rooms
In the Park of College.
Dubbed “journalism’s white knight” by Scout.com’s Jeremy Schneider and a “star” by Terps Associate Athletic Director Doug Dull, Rich is a junior journalism major at the University of Maryland, College Park and was the first student to go number two in Knight Hall. He spends his spare time reading Kurt Vonnegut and telling people that he does pushups. He had a sports journalism career that lasted one blog post.
Jake DeVirgiliis is a Freshman Government & Politics and English double major at the University of Maryland, College Park with a head of hair trapped in seemingly perpetual change. He enjoys comedy and vegetables. His writing once earned him Highland Park Hillcrest Elementary School’s prestigious Golden Pencil award for his timeless short story “The Alien Wacko.”
A 2010 graduate of this esteemed university, this 22-year-old martial artist is always working the lines to find hot poop tips — “hot,” of course, referring to the tips. Not the poops. That would be weird.
E-mail: gindes AT umdbk.com
Website: Blazing with Phelps
Executive in Charge of Gruff Advice and Pithy Folk Mottos
We don’t really know that much about Henry… he won’t tell us anything. He wouldn’t let us take a picture of him either — we had to scan in his driver’s license photo. Also we suspect it’s not a real license, because it says he’s from “Marylnad” and his signature is just his name typed in Brush Script MT. He apparently got it from the same guy that made Rich’s fake ID. He’s just a pissy old man that figured out how to use the internet.
TREY THE INTERN
Advertising director, resident scapegoat
Be nice to him because we sure as hell aren’t.
E-mail: trey.ames AT comcast.net
Facebook: Trey Ames