Category Archives: D

Tydings Hall, floor 1

Directions: Go in the ground-floor entrance at the mall side of the building and go up the main stairs one flight. Apparently when they built this building during the Revolutionary War they didn’t understand that the “first” floor meant the “first one you get to when you walk in the damned door.” But go up the steps and turn left. Follow the hallway around one corner and it will be on your right.

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Cleanliness: C-

It’s not gross, it’s just old. Which, if you’ve ever been to a nursing home, are two adjectives that are easily confused.

Odor: D+

Could have just been the suspicious-looking kid that was shuffling out, but a field of spring flowers this joint is not.

Solitude: F

Disastrously overcrowded.

Lighting: D+

It feels like the weird brown tile is sucking up all the light in here. You won’t get any reading done here.

Facilities

Stalls: 3, motion flush

Urinals: 2, motion flush

Sinks: 2, automatic faucets (useless.)

Note: It’s old. There’s nothing you can really do about that other than the old “build a new bathroom” approach, so you’ll have to deal with that. What you might not be able to deal with  are the SINKS. They’re horrible. A “drizzle” is being generous here. Completely unfunctioning. It’s also got those old-style urinals that are pretty much inviting all the weird unbalanced freshmen to check out your coin purse.

—Rich

Susquehanna Hall, floor 1

Directions: Enter SQH from the main entrance, across from Commons 1 and 2, and head into the hallway more or less straight across from you. The bathroom is on your right in there.

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Cleanliness: C+

With water consistently on the floor, one has to wonder what the hell is so leaky in here. I shudder to think. Imagine a bunch of shallow pools covering a marble gray floor. Because that is what it is.

Odor: A

It smells fine… the air is just really cold.

Solitude: D

Near a busy entrance to a building full of busy discussion classrooms, this bathroom is usually occupied. Or there will be people hanging out right near it. Because that’s cool.

Lighting: D

Only two small square lights on the ceiling here, neither of which are over the stalls.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, automatic flush

Urinals: 3, automatic flush

Sinks: 3, automatic faucets

Notes: OK for a piss break or grabbing a tissue, otherwise just keep walking.

—Jake

Lefrak, floor 1

Directions: Walk in the front door of Lefrak. Make a left, then a right and the bathroom will be at the end of the hall. DISCLAIMER: this may or may not be the best (or a viable) method to find this bathroom. Figure it out.

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Cleanliness: B-

The gross floors are always sprinkled with sink water from people frantically shaking their hands dry for lack of paper towels. One towel dispenser is completely useless and the other has a broken handle which exposes a jagged, rusty piece of metal that only fingers of great fortitude and courage can conquer to coax out drying utensils.

Odor: B

By no means terrible, but nothing about this bathroom deserves an ‘A’.

Solitude: C

Four urinals make this bathroom an attractive stop for pissers. Plus, it’s on a floor full of long lectures and labs that students will be itching to escape from. Crowded.

Lighting: D+

A shining example of dimness, the weak lights in here do well to enhance the putrid patterns of gray and off-white that adorn the walls and floor. Everything about this bathroom seems to be working towards the label dingy.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 4, motion flush

Sinks: 3, manual faucets

Notes: A poor final resting place for your turd. Basically all this bathroom has going for it is the trashcans are tiny boxes that are attached to the walls near the sinks instead of resting on the floor. That’s nice. But they aren’t used often considering the difficulty encountered in trying to extract paper towels.

–Jake

Art-Sociology, floor 4, bathroom 1

Directions: Walk into the Art-Sociology Building through the door on the plaza between Benjamin, Tawes, and Art-Soc. Walk down the small staircase in front of you and follow the pathway around the atrium. Follow the curve of the path to the right, past the Art Library. In front of you, you will see a set of double-doors. Walk up to them, but then turn left and go through those doors instead, which will lead you into a stairway. Take this to the very top, until your only options are a door to a hallway or a door that says “DANGER: Do not enter.” Do not enter. Really. I tried. Go through the regular, non-warning door and turn left; it’s the first door on your left.

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Cleanliness: B-

It’s ugly, but it will get the job done. Like your grandma: old but as clean as it needs to be.

Odor: B+

It smells curiously of fresh lumber.

Solitude: A+

The only people up here are anthropology majors coming to fellate their TAs.

Lighting: D-

The stalls are straight DARK, yo. Dark.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 3, motion flush

Sinks: 5, motion faucets

Notes: A curious facility. There are way more sinks than are necessary, and the toilet in the second stall is practically flush with the ground. Also the urinal design and placement are absolutely bizarre (see below). But overall it’s a great, lonely restroom.

—Rich

Your noble editor-in-chief, absolutely baffled by the urinals up here. Seriously whose idea was this.

Art-Sociology, floor 3, bathroom 1

Directions: Walk into the Art-Sociology Building through the door on the plaza between Benjamin, Tawes, and Art-Soc. Turn right down the short hallway and go into the elevator. Choose “3F” and take that mean, double-sided bastard up. At floor 3F, turn right. It will be one of the first doors on the right.

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Cleanliness: C+

It’s old, but it’s not dirty. Say, weathered.

Odor: A-

First impressions of this place are “kind of grody,” but it really smells fine.

Solitude: A-

Really nothing going on up here, class-wise, and everything else is sociology TAs. And they’re too busy crying about the world to ever get around to pooping.

Lighting: D

There are lights, but they are stupid. That is all.

Facilities

Stalls: 1, motion flush

Urinals: 2, motion flush

Sinks: 3, automatic faucets

Note: Not bad at all, and probably easier to get to than the other secluded options in Art-Soc. Plus it probably has a considerable amount of history attached to it, because there is no way it’s been renovated since the building was built in 1976.

—Rich

Bio-Psych, floor 1, bathroom 1

Directions: Walk into the main door of the Bioscience Research Building, on Hornbake Plaza. Turn right and walk through the glass door, then walk straight across the Biology-Psychology Building lobby and through the second set of doors immediately in front of you. It will be in a small alcove directly to your left.

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Cleanliness: C+

It’s probably not particularly dirty, but the lighting and weird green paint makes it look a little gross.

Odor: B-

It’s got a bathroomy smell to it, but nothing that’ll cause dry-heaves.

Solitude: B-

It’s in a very well-travelled hallway, but it’s hard to find unless you’re looking for it.

Lighting: D+

It’s not dark, it’s just… weird. Very yellow and occasionally flickery. Much closer to “creepy” than “cozy.”

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 2, motion flush

Sinks: 2 motion faucets

Notes: A cool little bathroom that makes up for its poor aesthetics with a unique location.

—Rich

South Campus Dining Hall, main floor

Directions: Walk in the front door of the diner and turn right. Against the wall in front of you will be a short set of stairs to the back dining room, encased in one side with glass panes. Go up those steps. The bathroom will be in front of you to the left.

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Cleanliness: F

I honestly don’t remember a time I was in this bathroom without seeing somebody’s poop somewhere. Not always in the toilet. But yeah, everything’s gross and drippy and poorly maintained.

Odor: C+

Surprisingly, all the poop doesn’t negatively impact the smell too much. Not awful, but not rosy.

Solitude: D

Thousands of students come through the diner every day, and a lot of them have to use the bathroom. It also appears to be the only bathroom accessible to dining hall employees, so there really isn’t much alone time.

Lighting: D-

No lights above the stalls, but the lighting in the rest of the bathroom is harsh and bright enough that a barely acceptable amount seeps in.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 4, motion flush

Sinks: 3, motion faucets

Notes: Pretty much only an option if you just ate the pepperoni roll and can’t make it home.

—Rich

McKeldin Library, floor 1, bathroom 1

Directions: Walk into the front door of McKeldin Library and past the welcome desk and then past the elevators. Turn right down the hallway before the circulation desk. On your right.

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Cleanliness: D+

It’s an old, oft-used bathroom. You’re gonna have to deal.

Odor: D

It’s a pee smell. A distinct pee smell.

Solitude: D-

If there are people in the library, there are people in this bathroom. You’re probably safe on a Friday afternoon, for example, but a Tuesday at 1 p.m. will get you nothing but a urinal traffic jam.

Lighting: D

You can see what you’re doing, but not much more with the old yellow lighting.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, manual flush

Urinals: 1, motion flush

Sinks: 2, manual faucets

Notes: It’s in the library. There are gobs of reading material everywhere, and the largest news stand on campus on the way into the building. The question is, are you willing to sit in this place long enough to read something? A passable restroom, but nowhere you’d want to relax.

—Rich Abdill

McKeldin Library, floor 1, bathroom 1

View from the sink. You know. In case you were wondering.