Category Archives: B

Regents Drive Parking Garage, floor 1

Directions: Walk in the garage’s Stadium Drive entrance; a door on the right side of the building facing the Computer and Space Sciences Building. Go down the stairs and through the door; turn left and walk into the computer lab that you see in front of you. It will be on the back wall.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: C-

Apparently people are in such a rush to get back to the computer cave that flushing is optional. Also… it’s just kind of grody. Like the bathrooms you see in zombie movies right after they figure out how to work the generators.

Odor: D+

It’s in a dark, dank and drippy basement of a parking lot. Guess how it smells. The answer is actually a little better than the stairs down there, but still. Not delicious.

Solitude: B

Points for rarity. The lab might be full, but it will be full of a hip, in-the-know crowd. You know… the kind of awesome dudes that are in a computer lab in the basement of a parking garage in the middle of the night wearing a baggy sweatshirt and a thousand-yard stare.

Lighting: A

Plenty of lights in a tiny, tiny space, and the best ones are right over the stalls.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, manual flush

Urinals: 2, manual flush

Sinks: 2, manual faucets

Notes: nana nana nana nana nana nana nana nana BAT LAAAAB! It’s a totally rando bathroom in a totally rando computer lab. Not nearly nice enough or secluded enough to become a regular pooping locale, but a great trip to make… once.

—Jake and Rich

(Oh, and “Zemen Habtemariam” — you left your name tag on the wall. Don’t worry. We got it for you. Let us know where you want to pick it up.)

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Lefrak Hall, basement level

Directions: Enter Lefrak through the entrance directly across from the South Campus Diner. The bathroom is the first thing on your right.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: C-

Everything seemed pleasantly in order, until I entered the lone stall. At time of review, the automatic-flush toilet was full of a pretty nasty combo-job and a hefty heaping of TP. Without flushability in this spacious pooper, one can’t help wonder what could have been.

Odor: A-

It’s clean other than the inside of that toilet bowl, and the smell reflects that.

Solitude: B

Located right near an entrance, it can be a popular stop for quick pees. However, the stall is rather roomy and is an ideal bathroom to run to after too many wings at diner late night.

Lighting: B-

Overall not bad. One can’t help but ask why the stall’s light was placed over the door and not the toilet, but if you struggle opening doors in anything other than direct light, odds are you won’t be reading anything anyway.

Facilities

Stalls: 1, motion flush, OUT OF ORDER

Urinals: 2, motion flush

Sinks: 3, manual faucet

Notes: A potential gem of a late-night dining getaway is squandered, at least temporarily, by a useless toilet. Rest assured, the dedicated crew here at UMDBI will work tirelessly to make sure you know when this bad boy gets back up on its feet so the diner’s finest won’t get the best of you.

—Jake

Bio-Psych, floor 1, bathroom 1

Directions: Walk into the main door of the Bioscience Research Building, on Hornbake Plaza. Turn right and walk through the glass door, then walk straight across the Biology-Psychology Building lobby and through the second set of doors immediately in front of you. It will be in a small alcove directly to your left.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: C+

It’s probably not particularly dirty, but the lighting and weird green paint makes it look a little gross.

Odor: B-

It’s got a bathroomy smell to it, but nothing that’ll cause dry-heaves.

Solitude: B-

It’s in a very well-travelled hallway, but it’s hard to find unless you’re looking for it.

Lighting: D+

It’s not dark, it’s just… weird. Very yellow and occasionally flickery. Much closer to “creepy” than “cozy.”

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 2, motion flush

Sinks: 2 motion faucets

Notes: A cool little bathroom that makes up for its poor aesthetics with a unique location.

—Rich

Art-Sociology, floor 2, bathroom 1

Directions: Walk into the Art-Sociology Building through the door on the plaza between Benjamin, Tawes, and Art-Soc. Walk down the small staircase in front of you and follow the pathway around the atrium. Follow the curve of the path to the right and go through the double-doors to the left of the Art Gallery. It will be on your left.

REPORT CARD

Cleanliness: B-

It’s old, but there’s really nothing wrong with it.

Odor: C+

It’s a bathroom. It smells like a bathroom.

Solitude: B

It’s not too far off the beaten path, but there are several more accessible bathrooms around.

Lighting: B-

The lights are bright but poorly placed. Not terrible though.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 3, motion flush

Sinks: 5, motion faucets

Notes: An average bathroom, maybe slightly cleaner. Not one to seek out, but certainly not one to shy away from. Also, we’ve noticed that the number of sinks is almost always equal to the number of stalls — we’re investigating any regulatory reasons why this might be, but this particular bathroom has a ridiculous number of sinks. So… there’s that.

—Rich