Category Archives: South campus

Susquehanna Hall, floor 1

Directions: Enter SQH from the main entrance, across from Commons 1 and 2, and head into the hallway more or less straight across from you. The bathroom is on your right in there.

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Cleanliness: C+

With water consistently on the floor, one has to wonder what the hell is so leaky in here. I shudder to think. Imagine a bunch of shallow pools covering a marble gray floor. Because that is what it is.

Odor: A

It smells fine… the air is just really cold.

Solitude: D

Near a busy entrance to a building full of busy discussion classrooms, this bathroom is usually occupied. Or there will be people hanging out right near it. Because that’s cool.

Lighting: D

Only two small square lights on the ceiling here, neither of which are over the stalls.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, automatic flush

Urinals: 3, automatic flush

Sinks: 3, automatic faucets

Notes: OK for a piss break or grabbing a tissue, otherwise just keep walking.

—Jake

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Susquehanna Hall, floor 2

Directions: Enter SQH through the side door faces the South Campus Dining Hall. Take the stairs immediately to your right up one floor. Go left to the end of the hallway, then right,  and then I think you go right again but if you get lost the bathroom has a room number: 21-A. Obviously it wasn’t that memorable.

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Cleanliness: B

Better than the first floor because it’s less wet. Still doesn’t appear to be attended to very often.

Odor: A

I think. Maybe my nose is just that stuffed.

Solitude: C

Again, better than the first floor alternative but there are a lot of rooms in use up here to.

Lighting: C-

More light manages to seep through to the stalls here. Basically I’m telling you this is just a slightly better version of the bathroom on the first floor. And that one wasn’t very good.

Facilities

Stalls: 3, automatic flush

Urinals: 3, automatic flush

Sinks: 4, automatic faucets

Notes: Another below-average bathroom, except for whatever reason, this one has a little foyer between the hallway door and the bathroom door. Two doors. An obvious warning sign: go elsewhere.

—Jake

Morrill Hall, floor 1

Directions: Walk into the main door of the building and it’s directly in front of you.

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Cleanliness: A-

It’s old and has random pipes popping out of weird places, but it’s almost never used and is quite clean.

Odor: A

There really isn’t anybody around to stink it up.

Solitude: A+

NO ONE IS HERE. Morrill Hall is almost exclusively TA offices and Economics meeting rooms, and even then the place has like four doors in the whole joint.

Lighting: F+

Our first “F” rating comes from the absolutely abhorrent lighting in an otherwise lovely restroom. The stalls are DARK.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 1, manual flush

Sinks: 2, motion faucets

Notes: Haunted-ass Morrill Hall was built in 1898 and was one of the only buildings to survive the fire of 1912. This bathroom is EXTREMELY convenient (did you even know this building was here?) and never used, but don’t expect to get any reading done. And don’t go at night.

—Rich

Lefrak, floor 1

Directions: Walk in the front door of Lefrak. Make a left, then a right and the bathroom will be at the end of the hall. DISCLAIMER: this may or may not be the best (or a viable) method to find this bathroom. Figure it out.

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Cleanliness: B-

The gross floors are always sprinkled with sink water from people frantically shaking their hands dry for lack of paper towels. One towel dispenser is completely useless and the other has a broken handle which exposes a jagged, rusty piece of metal that only fingers of great fortitude and courage can conquer to coax out drying utensils.

Odor: B

By no means terrible, but nothing about this bathroom deserves an ‘A’.

Solitude: C

Four urinals make this bathroom an attractive stop for pissers. Plus, it’s on a floor full of long lectures and labs that students will be itching to escape from. Crowded.

Lighting: D+

A shining example of dimness, the weak lights in here do well to enhance the putrid patterns of gray and off-white that adorn the walls and floor. Everything about this bathroom seems to be working towards the label dingy.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 4, motion flush

Sinks: 3, manual faucets

Notes: A poor final resting place for your turd. Basically all this bathroom has going for it is the trashcans are tiny boxes that are attached to the walls near the sinks instead of resting on the floor. That’s nice. But they aren’t used often considering the difficulty encountered in trying to extract paper towels.

–Jake

Art-Sociology, floor 4, bathroom 1

Directions: Walk into the Art-Sociology Building through the door on the plaza between Benjamin, Tawes, and Art-Soc. Walk down the small staircase in front of you and follow the pathway around the atrium. Follow the curve of the path to the right, past the Art Library. In front of you, you will see a set of double-doors. Walk up to them, but then turn left and go through those doors instead, which will lead you into a stairway. Take this to the very top, until your only options are a door to a hallway or a door that says “DANGER: Do not enter.” Do not enter. Really. I tried. Go through the regular, non-warning door and turn left; it’s the first door on your left.

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Cleanliness: B-

It’s ugly, but it will get the job done. Like your grandma: old but as clean as it needs to be.

Odor: B+

It smells curiously of fresh lumber.

Solitude: A+

The only people up here are anthropology majors coming to fellate their TAs.

Lighting: D-

The stalls are straight DARK, yo. Dark.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 3, motion flush

Sinks: 5, motion faucets

Notes: A curious facility. There are way more sinks than are necessary, and the toilet in the second stall is practically flush with the ground. Also the urinal design and placement are absolutely bizarre (see below). But overall it’s a great, lonely restroom.

—Rich

Your noble editor-in-chief, absolutely baffled by the urinals up here. Seriously whose idea was this.

Art-Sociology, floor 3, bathroom 1

Directions: Walk into the Art-Sociology Building through the door on the plaza between Benjamin, Tawes, and Art-Soc. Turn right down the short hallway and go into the elevator. Choose “3F” and take that mean, double-sided bastard up. At floor 3F, turn right. It will be one of the first doors on the right.

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Cleanliness: C+

It’s old, but it’s not dirty. Say, weathered.

Odor: A-

First impressions of this place are “kind of grody,” but it really smells fine.

Solitude: A-

Really nothing going on up here, class-wise, and everything else is sociology TAs. And they’re too busy crying about the world to ever get around to pooping.

Lighting: D

There are lights, but they are stupid. That is all.

Facilities

Stalls: 1, motion flush

Urinals: 2, motion flush

Sinks: 3, automatic faucets

Note: Not bad at all, and probably easier to get to than the other secluded options in Art-Soc. Plus it probably has a considerable amount of history attached to it, because there is no way it’s been renovated since the building was built in 1976.

—Rich

Lefrak Hall, basement level

Directions: Enter Lefrak through the entrance directly across from the South Campus Diner. The bathroom is the first thing on your right.

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Cleanliness: C-

Everything seemed pleasantly in order, until I entered the lone stall. At time of review, the automatic-flush toilet was full of a pretty nasty combo-job and a hefty heaping of TP. Without flushability in this spacious pooper, one can’t help wonder what could have been.

Odor: A-

It’s clean other than the inside of that toilet bowl, and the smell reflects that.

Solitude: B

Located right near an entrance, it can be a popular stop for quick pees. However, the stall is rather roomy and is an ideal bathroom to run to after too many wings at diner late night.

Lighting: B-

Overall not bad. One can’t help but ask why the stall’s light was placed over the door and not the toilet, but if you struggle opening doors in anything other than direct light, odds are you won’t be reading anything anyway.

Facilities

Stalls: 1, motion flush, OUT OF ORDER

Urinals: 2, motion flush

Sinks: 3, manual faucet

Notes: A potential gem of a late-night dining getaway is squandered, at least temporarily, by a useless toilet. Rest assured, the dedicated crew here at UMDBI will work tirelessly to make sure you know when this bad boy gets back up on its feet so the diner’s finest won’t get the best of you.

—Jake