Computer and Space Sciences, Floor 1

Directions: Walk into the doors under the gigantic OIT sign. Make a right and the bathroom will be on your left.

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Cleanliness: C

Everything seemed in order when I walked in, but a quick scan of the stalls revealed that people are too worried about their broken computers to clean up after themselves. Plus the automatic facilities have a massive splash zone. More on that later.

Odor: A

Nothing out of the ordinary or unpleasant.

Solitude: C

Right next to OIT, around a bunch of science classrooms, and not a great place to pick your boogers in front of a mirror in private.

Lighting: A+

Everywhere was nice and bright using an eco-friendly amount of lighting equipment!

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 1, motion flush

Sinks: 2, automatic faucet

Notes: The urinal is absurdly tiny. The obnoxious stall toilets were made so hyper-sensitive to motion by those damn computer scientists that they will flush unprovoked multiple times and with violent rapidity while you just sit there. Seriously. For a second I thought I was using a bidet.

You don’t want to shit here.

–Jake

Susquehanna Hall, floor 2

Directions: Enter SQH through the side door faces the South Campus Dining Hall. Take the stairs immediately to your right up one floor. Go left to the end of the hallway, then right,  and then I think you go right again but if you get lost the bathroom has a room number: 21-A. Obviously it wasn’t that memorable.

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Cleanliness: B

Better than the first floor because it’s less wet. Still doesn’t appear to be attended to very often.

Odor: A

I think. Maybe my nose is just that stuffed.

Solitude: C

Again, better than the first floor alternative but there are a lot of rooms in use up here to.

Lighting: C-

More light manages to seep through to the stalls here. Basically I’m telling you this is just a slightly better version of the bathroom on the first floor. And that one wasn’t very good.

Facilities

Stalls: 3, automatic flush

Urinals: 3, automatic flush

Sinks: 4, automatic faucets

Notes: Another below-average bathroom, except for whatever reason, this one has a little foyer between the hallway door and the bathroom door. Two doors. An obvious warning sign: go elsewhere.

—Jake

Francis Scott Key Hall, floor 1

Directions: Walk into the main door of Key, at the top of the big concrete steps. Turn left, then make your first right down the hallway. It will be on your right.

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Cleanliness: D-

It’s not a “this is a dirty bathroom” problem, it’s a “this is a dirty room” thing. People aren’t pissing on the walls, but the place is just regular filthy. The floors are actually brown and olive drab, and I’m honestly not sure they were originally that color. The urinals have turned gray with age, and the stalls have awkward patches were the paint looks like it’s been worn off by frictional forces I will never understand.

Odor: B-

The place really tricked me on this one. It looks like a bathroom at a crappy public park, but if you were blind, you probably wouldn’t be too skeeved out.

Solitude: C

A good amount of stalls on a floor that’s mostly offices, but the ARHU office is a busy one. Plus it’s in the hallway that’s the main artery between Key and Taliaferro Halls, and apparently people have actually had classes in Taliferro. I don’t know who. But they pee in this thing a lot.

Lighting: B-

The bathroom might actually be improved by lighting that was a little less ambitious. If it’s too dark to read, I want it to be dark enough that I can’t see the horrifying fingernail gashes on the wall.

Facilities

Stalls: 4, motion flush

Urinals: 3, motion flush

Sinks: 3, motion faucets

Notes: The bulk of Francis Scott Key Hall was built in 1939 and 1940. I have a theory that this bathroom was actually built before that, and then they let it just sit on the mall for like a decade before eventually building classrooms around it. A very, very run-down operation indeed, especially in light of how polished the rest of the main floor is.

Also, I’m pretty sure I broke my computer’s Photobooth program when I tried to take a picture of the floor — some dude walked in and I slammed the computer shut to keep from looking like a weirdy. Pretty sure it didn’t work.

—Rich

Lefrak, floor 1

Directions: Walk in the front door of Lefrak. Make a left, then a right and the bathroom will be at the end of the hall. DISCLAIMER: this may or may not be the best (or a viable) method to find this bathroom. Figure it out.

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Cleanliness: B-

The gross floors are always sprinkled with sink water from people frantically shaking their hands dry for lack of paper towels. One towel dispenser is completely useless and the other has a broken handle which exposes a jagged, rusty piece of metal that only fingers of great fortitude and courage can conquer to coax out drying utensils.

Odor: B

By no means terrible, but nothing about this bathroom deserves an ‘A’.

Solitude: C

Four urinals make this bathroom an attractive stop for pissers. Plus, it’s on a floor full of long lectures and labs that students will be itching to escape from. Crowded.

Lighting: D+

A shining example of dimness, the weak lights in here do well to enhance the putrid patterns of gray and off-white that adorn the walls and floor. Everything about this bathroom seems to be working towards the label dingy.

Facilities

Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 4, motion flush

Sinks: 3, manual faucets

Notes: A poor final resting place for your turd. Basically all this bathroom has going for it is the trashcans are tiny boxes that are attached to the walls near the sinks instead of resting on the floor. That’s nice. But they aren’t used often considering the difficulty encountered in trying to extract paper towels.

–Jake