The Fresh Roll exclusive: 7-Eleven to get REAL renovated, son

The 7-Eleven on Knox Road will be closing next Wednesday until Jan. 22, according to the owner. He is nice. His name is Million. He has a mustache.

And they’re planning big things: he said workers will be working in around-the-clock shifts to finish the job before the spring semester starts.

They plan to expand the rear of the store by 12 feet, shift the registers over to the left wall and put the drink fridges in the middle, where the candy is now. He said it’s going to be “a whole new store.” I am inclined to enthusiastically agree, so long as this “new store” still sells iced tea and taquitos. Is there an ‘s’ in that? Taquitoes? I don’t know; spell check is flummoxed too.

In other news, the China Cafe, that random Chinese restaurant next door to the 7-Eleven, will be opening back up Dec. 15. No word yet on if anyone cares.



The Fresh Roll Exclusive: 7-ELEVEN CLOSING

Update 12/8: An employee reports Wednesday, Dec. 15 will be the last night 7-Eleven will be open.

The 7-Eleven on Knox Road in College Park will be closing for renovations sometime after finals week, according to two employees at the store, one of whom said it would be two months before they opened up again. No word yet on where the hell we’re supposed to get our cheeseburger big bites at 4 a.m. now. More to come very soon.


What do you want.

As this ridiculous semester comes to a close, I will have much more time to devote to this, my most favorite of efforts ever. What do you lovely, loyal, patient readers want? More bathroom reviews? More stupid, stupid videos? Both? Neither?


McKeldin “geyser”?

Text message from a reader:

“Breaking news: manhole by mckeldin just exploded and there is a ferocious geyser. So close to dying this morning haha”

Unconfirmed; I’m in class but it sounds awesomeee


Tawes, Floor 3

Directions: Facing the side of Tawes with the fountain on it, take a right through the brick gate-type structure. There is a white door on your left which leads to a staircase. Take those stairs up to the 3rd floor and through the door. The bathroom will be on your left.


Cleanliness: A+

Spotless. As if I was the only person in there all day.

Odor: A+

Sure you can believe it’s good, but A+ good? There was a Glade® PlugIns®.

Solitude: A+

The 3rd floor of Tawes is more or less a maze of offices. Navigate your way to this bathroom and you won’t see anyone.

Lighting: A+

A few heavenly squares on the ceiling and plenty of bright and shiny new tile to surround you with just the right amount of light at all times.


Stalls: 3, manual flush

Urinals: 2, manual flush

Sinks: 2 manual flush

Notes: Hard to beat this one. If you think you can make it up the stairs without losing control, it’s totally worth the trip. A model restroom.


Tawes basement level insects?

Just got a tip from a grad student that the women’s bathroom in the basement of the Tawes building has a problem with flies.
A) Has anyone encountered this?
B) What are you women doing that’s attracting flies? Us dudes pee all over the floor and don’t attract any insects.


Computer and Space Sciences, Floor 1

Directions: Walk into the doors under the gigantic OIT sign. Make a right and the bathroom will be on your left.


Cleanliness: C

Everything seemed in order when I walked in, but a quick scan of the stalls revealed that people are too worried about their broken computers to clean up after themselves. Plus the automatic facilities have a massive splash zone. More on that later.

Odor: A

Nothing out of the ordinary or unpleasant.

Solitude: C

Right next to OIT, around a bunch of science classrooms, and not a great place to pick your boogers in front of a mirror in private.

Lighting: A+

Everywhere was nice and bright using an eco-friendly amount of lighting equipment!


Stalls: 2, motion flush

Urinals: 1, motion flush

Sinks: 2, automatic faucet

Notes: The urinal is absurdly tiny. The obnoxious stall toilets were made so hyper-sensitive to motion by those damn computer scientists that they will flush unprovoked multiple times and with violent rapidity while you just sit there. Seriously. For a second I thought I was using a bidet.

You don’t want to shit here.