Probably the worst computer programmer ever. Grace Kelly was hot.

DEAR ABBY:
My husband is a computer programmer. When he calls me from work I can hear him typing on his keyboard. I find this as rude as people texting while they’re in the company of others. My husband thinks it is just fine and becomes angry if I mention it. What do you think?

— ANNOYED IN IMPERIAL BEACH, CALIF.

From “Abby”:
DEAR ANNOYED:
I think that when your husband is working, he should devote his full attention to the job he’s being paid to do. And as accomplished as your husband may think he is at multitasking, it is unfair to his boss to chat you up on company time. He should be making his personal calls during his breaks — away from his computer.

From HENRY STOCKTON:
DEAR ANNOYED:
I don’t know if you have ever tried computer programming before, but I haven’t. Because it’s harder than the Sunday crossword upside-down and in another language. If your husband is yappin’ away at you and typing on the keyboard, he’s not doing any goddamn programming, he’s probably doing the same thing I do on the internet — root around for saucy pictures of Grace Kelly. And if he is programming, it’s gotta be the shittiest programming stuff ever. Worse than the time Bobby Turner crashed his bicycle and a spoke from his wheel went through his calf. AND THAT WAS TERRIBLE.

I hope he doesn’t work anywhere important because he’s obviously not paying attention to what the hell he’s doing. This is probably why the stock market crashed. Your dumbass husband talking to you about the grocery list and little Suzie’s diarrhea instead of writing that one line of computer-mumbo that says “oh yeah and don’t let the backs fuck everyone.” THANKS A LOT, “ANNOYED.” YOU WRECKED THE WORLD ECONOMY. SHUT UP.

—Henry

OH MY CHRIST

[You can e-mail Henry letters or general questions at i.hate.whippersnappers AT gmail.com]

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