Guest post: Professorial Pooping Predicament

[Have an interesting tale of restroom embarrassment or adventure? Send it in to Rich at richard.abdill AT and it might get posted, or it might be terrible and get deleted.]

By Jeremy Schneider

The old journalism building on the mall closed before Rich could review the bathrooms. But one incident I had in there combines two pressing problems: faulty stall-locks and teachers in the bathroom.

I was in a reporting class one night and just wrapping up an in-class assignment. Pretty much all I had to do was proofread it and hand it in, and I had some time before it was due. I decided to take the browns to the Super Bowl, so to speak, to take some time and clear my head. Little did I know it would be one of the more eventful deuces of my life — and that’s saying something.

I went into one of the stalls and got down to business. I heard someone come into the bathroom. This used to bother me in high school because I knew everyone. In college, I don’t really give a shit.

My stall was locked, so I thought it was in the clear. But all of the sudden, the door was ripped open. This was going to suck no matter what. But to make matters worse, it was my teacher. The teacher whom I was currently in class with.

I yelled “occupied!” and he quickly shut the door. I sat there for a moment, thinking how awkward it would be when I got back up to class in a few minutes. Nevertheless, I bravely climbed the stairs to the third floor. I walked into the classroom, intent on making no eye contact as I passed my teacher, and wrapped up my assignment.

Had I simply ignored this transgression, it could have been awkward for me, and my teacher, for the rest of the semester. Luckily, he broke the awkwardness for me. As I sat down, he looked to me and said “Sorry for poppin’  in on you like that!” Just like that, one of, if not the most awkward crises of my life was averted.

I ended up getting an A in that class. I don’t think it was an apology grade. Really. I killed it in that class. And he was a good dude. Had this been a different teacher, it could have been a catastrophe.

My woeful though humorous tale speaks to the importance of not only the importance of stalls that actually lock, but avoiding teachers in the bathrooms at all costs. They should go to the faculty bathroom or something. Because seeing teachers in the bathroom, even if they don’t see you taking a shit, is AWKWARD.


2 responses to “Guest post: Professorial Pooping Predicament

  1. This was hilarious. The “occupied!” made me laugh out loud.

  2. akakakakakkaakakaka

    “occupied”? Really? That’s what you said? REALLY?


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