EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW — Carli Lloyd: Shredding Brazilians and squatting in China

You know who Carli Lloyd is. You might not realize it, but you know, especially if you watched the 2008 Olympics.

She’s the absolute, unchallengeable badass that scored the game-winning overtime goal against Brazil that won the women’s soccer team its third Olympic gold medal of all time. And she didn’t do any of that Landon Donovan slip-n-slide crap that we saw in the 2010 World Cup. No way. She just ran around the pitch like a freaking champion:

And now she speaks exclusively with the Bathroom Inventory. Via Facebook:

You’ve been in all kinds of venues all over the world; where was your all-time favorite restroom? Why?
-actually the hotel i stayed at in south korea with the national team, was unbelievable. very nice, comforting and even had a speaker in there that played the tv sound. [Editor's note: All emphasis mine. Also, AWESOME.]

Where was the absolute worst?
-the absolute worst was CHINA! they don’t have normal toilets they have holes in the ground so you have to squat and if you don’t squat low enough your pee goes all over. its disgusting. and they usually don’t have toilet paper. not a fun place to use a restroom!

By and large, where have you found the best restrooms — playing for Rutgers, the national team or with WPS?
-probably majority with the national team.

Lloyd always wins the "coolest Hanukkah gelt" competition.

Does the quality of restroom facilities at a venue affect game performance?

-i am not too picky with the restroom facilities. as long as they have a toilet and its not too dirty i am good to go! it doesn’t affect my performance.

Pele or Maradonna — Who do you think had more regular bowel movements?
-i gotta go with maradona because hes the the greatest of all time and im sure had many regular bowel movements because he was a legend.

Regarding the ’08 gold medal game — which do you think was a more volatile digestive situation, USA’s before the game or Brazil’s afterwards?
-thats a tough call. i am going to have to say brazil because they were shredded after we beat them and they all fell to the ground after it was over and were probably very dehydrated and when you are that dehydrated it can be ugly coming out!

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. One of the greatest athletes of the ’08 games (shutup, Michael Phelps, you dumb pothead), right here giving her take on bathrooms. Crap safely my friends.

—Rich

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